Trachiversary

While it's only the end of October, I can't help but think we'll soon be on Mackenzie's one year trachiversary (the day she was trached - 12/12). We've gotten into such a rhythm with life that it's hard to remember days when Mackenzie didn't have a trach or when we didn't have to plan our day around it (or reflux!) It has really become a matter of making the most of your "free" time. Sometimes making the most of it is sneaking in a nap (I love those days), whereas other times it's running around cleaning up the messes you've made throughout the day... or even prepping for what's to come.

I've started looking through Mackenzie's old pictures from the pre-trach days, and sort of reminiscing about things. I came across this picture and it made me cry. (Okay, so I might be a bit emotional because Andy left for CA again and I feel a *tad* lonely.)



My all time favorite part of the day was snuggling Mackenzie to my chest. Every day I'd get to the NICU right before her noon feeding. I'd bundle her up and take her out of her isollette (and later her crib), juggling the wires from her leads and whatever respiratory support she happened to be on - whether it be a nasal cannula or nasal CPAP. We would cuddle together, chest to chest and she'd immediately fall asleep. And I'll admit every day I fought the urge to nap with her - partly from exhaustion, partly from the Reglan I was taking to up my breast milk production, and partly from just enjoying the sensation of cuddling with my Number 1. Because of how tiny Mackenzie was, there were limits on how long I could hold her. She would either get too cool from not being able to control her own body temp, or it would be too strenuous on her bitty lungs... so the max I could hold her was an hour. Some days she would last only about 10 minutes and other days she managed the full hour. (I'll even admit there were a couple days where we snuck to the hour and a half mark.) Either way, I was guaranteed to have drool on my shirt when I put her back in her isollette - sometimes a nice bit of breast milk/formula if I happened to be lucky that day.

I really miss cuddling with Mac that way. With her trach, it's impossible to simulate the same snuggle, although we've managed to modify it to work out.